Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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