i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize