I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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