what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So squirting runs in the family.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
