Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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