Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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