my vag is so smooth its legendary
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
