A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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