i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
