At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
