So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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