There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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