dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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