Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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