god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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