Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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