remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
