It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
