if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
