Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
did i just pee glitter
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
