There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
