there's paper in my vomit.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
