dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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