Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
