You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
