I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize