a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
