when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
