Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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