did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
