I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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