OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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