Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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