Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
