if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Umm I'm too high to move.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize