Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
