you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
