I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
