and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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