Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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