So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
