The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
