I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to jail i love you
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
