Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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