just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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