I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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