I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
