THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
