U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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