Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
