Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
