Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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