I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
