Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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