I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
