I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am spending my child support on dildos
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
