This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
