she woke up with a sticky ear
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
