I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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