please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
