there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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