i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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