You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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