theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
