Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
