I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
