Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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