take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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