bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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