I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
